I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
