Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
