i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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