need another drink. this is the easiest way
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
