Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
