She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
