The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
