we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
