I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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