I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
