The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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