Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
