i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
