I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
