We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
