Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize