I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize