did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize