would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My ass is underappreciated
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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