Swine flu. Run for my life!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize