we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
