Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Enjoy the penises
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
