Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
