I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
