How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
