what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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