It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
