i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
