I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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