Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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