Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
