Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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