I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
