no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
