Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
