if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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