yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
