It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is this like a preordered booty call?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
