I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
