i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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