You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
