he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
