the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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