i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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