my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
