I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
