I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
someone owes me an orgasm
my shit smells like andre
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
