Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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