If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
