Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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