I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize