Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's never too late to be topless.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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