Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
