I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
