I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
