Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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