Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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