It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
