"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize