why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
