you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
