do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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