Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
