dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
