You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
