Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
