apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
