He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
