he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
