Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
