I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
