Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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