I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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