so that wasnt chicken after all
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
