My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
